Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Hugo Chavez is starting to worry me

  I'm concerned.  He's changed the term limits law to allow himself to run for office again.  He's telling people what they can and cannot eat.  Chavez started a "gun control" plan for his country ("voluntary" disarmament).  Ol' Hugo is big on censoring the press, of course.  He brags about his army being his personal enforcement arm.  He tries to cast himself as a "common man."  He never goes anywhere without a show of force.

  In other words, Hugo Chavez is starting to act like the Mayor Bloomberg of New York City.  Truly terrifying, I know.  The leader of a country acting like Baron Von Bloomberg?  Examples below.  We can only hope someone stages an intervention to let Hugo know that he's getting all.....Bloomberg-ish.

  Bloomberg changes the term limits, allowing himself to run again

  Chavez changes term limits in constitution

  Bloomberg says government should mandate healthy foods

  Hugo Chavez calls for changes to his country's eating habits

  Bloomberg launches self funded crusade against guns

  Venezuela launches gun control effort

  Mayor Bloomberg: "I have my own army."  
  really, just an insane boasting session that shows how megalomaniacal this petty dictator is!

  Venezuelan General assures public that Chavez is still in charge of the military

  However, Hugo hasn't quite sunk to the depths of open hypocrisy that Baron Von Bloomberg has.  For instance, he doesn't leave his fiefdom every weekend to golf in protection of his personal armed guards in a gun free country.  Said armed guards are NYPD officers.  You see, the good Baron knows that while unwashed common scum ordinary citizens do not need guns for protection, our rulers do have the right to take their own gun toting personal security detail into another country.  Remember your Animal Farm, gentle readers:  All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others.  Important people of royal blood need armed guards for protection from you deservedly unarmed sorts.

  The good Baron, in an attempt to blend in with the unwashed masses with shit between their toes his common subjects has taken to riding the subway with only a few armed police guards as a buffer between His Person and the peasants.

  In what is surely a more certain indication of insanity than Hugo's assertion that GW is the devil, Baron Von Bloomberg backed restoring a two term limit to the office of Mayor of New York City.  You see, the city needed the leadership only His Grace could provide and that's why he had the term limitations changed to three terms instead of two.  Now that his Sacred Work is done and no more persons who carry the heavy weight of Divine Leadership are in line for the throne, it's best to change the term limitations back.  You can't make this shit up.

  We can only hope Hugo's friends and family stage an intervention to keep him from getting all Bloombeg-ish.  I am considering pooling funds together to buy him the game Modern Warfare 3 in order to allow him to unwind and have a little Hugo time.


  1. I do not have shit between my toes! The rest is pretty accurate.

    1. You're right. Bloomberg only emits rose oil.

  2. Well, please try not to cast judgement on those who do!

    1. None intended, my apologies if implied.

  3. I was joking around, no worries.