Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Navy Captain awarded Silver Star in absentia

***Disclaimer***  This is satire aimed on shining the light on the demonization in the media of military veterans and the patent absurdity of naming a US Navy ship after a mass shooting victim who's never served in the US military over one of the literally dozens of fallen heroes from the last decade.  The slap to the face to these fallen heroes by the US Navy cannot be overstated.  For more information on Extortion 17, look at this book that was in part written by the father of one of the fallen SEALs.  Please feel free to email Chris Adams regarding the McClatchy PTSD article and tell him what you think of his map.  Kathleen Belew may be reached here if you have thoughts on her insinuations regarding veterans being or becoming white supremacists.

  In a daring daytime operation, apparent domestic terrorists have lured US Navy Capt. Joseph Tuite, Supervisor of Shipbuilding (SUPSHIP) Gulf Coast into a local Denny's where they are holding him hostage with unlimited coffee refills and complimentary Moons over My Hammy.  Captain Tuite is a mission critical asset to the official keel laying ceremony for the USS Gabrielle Giffords.  Reacting swiftly, the Obama administration awarded the now POW Captain Tuite with the Silver Star, the POW medal, and announced that Vice President Biden is ready to negotiate for the Captain's release.

  Mystified Navy public relations officers could be seen puzzling over the ransom note which made cryptic references to the "Fallen Heroes of Extortion 17" , "Ryan Job," and a "Christopher S. Kyle" being "more worthy" of a US Navy vessel's name.

  The baffled public relations officers reached out to the civilian press for help identifying the sinister kidnappers whose ransom note was attached to the keel via a trident.  So far, the hypothesis is that veterans who are now white supremacists launched a raid from a notorious hotbed of crazed PTSD afflicted combat veterans known as "Little Creek."

  Support from celebrities has been overwhelming as Piers Morgan (@PiersMorgan) and Michael Bloomberg (@MikeBloomberg) announced a campaign "for common sense gun laws to free every town of armed veterans."

  The NRA; a "grass roots organization of armed veterans and white supremacists," had no comment at press time and neither did the vessel's namesake.


  1. As has been pointed out, it's a little surprising that there's no USS Trayvon Martin yet, considering his near-beatification in the zeitgeist.

  2. It will sink with one shot!

  3. The Gabby will be a LCS. LCS is SUPPOSED to stand for Littoral Combat Ship. But even the admiral in charge says that the ships are not built for combat and survivability is not stressed. They are built, apparently, to be targets. Their weapon systems have not even been INVENTED. So they will be underarmed floating targets.....

    LCS actually stands for Little Crappy Ship.

    This is the PERFECT combination of name and ship.

  4. Give it time, the USS Martin will be, and all ships will be named after sexual deviates, muslims, radical preachers etc. All ships will have their names changed to show that the US Navy is politically correct, No more named after famous battles, no more American Heros. Here's one for you: The USS Good Ship Lollypop, because we have no one in any governmental leadership position/s that has the Intestinal Fortitude to say: "To Hell with political correctness, Enough is Enough"

  5. It's still a piece of shit program which will result in a piece of shit ship.